Fuck calendars. There are so many of these little deceptive devices across the globe–Jewish, Chinese, Islamic, Christian, Indian, etc. Dates are thrown around all willy nilly to mark the passage of time, and this has to stop! Why, you may ask? Sex! (…and dating). Is age anything more than a number? Aaliyah fans say “no,” and so do we. The following will be an interview of a cougar and a cougee who share their calendar-challenged encounters from both the sheets and the streets.
Q: Please disclose your socially imposed age as regulated by the Judeo-Christian calendar, as well as the assigned age of the person who you are fucking and/or dating.
A, Gar: I’m told I’ve been a human life-force for 22 years (disregarding my time spent as a fetus, as it is quite a controversial subject). As for my cougee, well…she’s legal in my state of residence. That’s what matters here.
A, Gee: Waiting with her new handbag, the egg that would later become me fused with a feisty sperm bastard 21 years ago. My cougar girlfriend, let’s just say she was old enough to be employed by my college before I was even able to attend.
Q: How would you describe the hunting process that occurs in this wild queer kingdom?
A, Gar: This queer kingdom is a wild one indeed. As for my experience, it only revealed the fictitious nature of society’s assumptions regarding age. One may expect a cougar to be the hunter based solely on socially imposed age assignments; however, I was hunted by my cougee. Thus, this answer is better left to a cougee.
A, Gee: Persistently intrigued by the older wiser femme, I am usually strutting my best baby butch swagger when a cougar sinks her nails into me. From my experience, cougars can strike at any time and are especially agitated by button down shirts and ties. The species has been known to kiss their prey without warning, throw them self against a wall in an attempt to be taken advantage of, and, in desperate times, has grabbed a fistful of the prey’s shirt and dragged the cougee to the desired location for consumption. Predicting a cougar strike is near impossible even for the most experienced of prey.
Q: Seems like you both had quite different experiences as far as power relations are concerned. Could you please explain the power dynamics in everyday life, as well as sexual interactions?
A, Gar: Well, in everyday life, my cougee’s indecisiveness forces me to make decisions. In that regard, I suppose I fit into my assigned age role; however, my cougee becomes much more aggressive during any type of sexual interaction, often telling me what to do. Now, this is not to suggest that I become passive in such interactions, it merely demonstrates the fluidity of power relations.
A, Gee: My experience also demonstrates the fluidity of power dynamics. While my sleep deprived cougar goes off to work for the day like a true professional, I can be found lounging in her bed well into the afternoon hours. This is not to say that I don’t play houseboy sometimes, making the bed or washing a few dishes before she gets home; however, when she’s forced to pry herself away from my sleepy-eyed snuggles, my ability to keep her from getting to work on time seems to indicate that I may have the upper hand. Between the sheets, it would appear our age related subversion continues, as my cougar quickly becomes bottom to my top. Although she is a power bottom and certainly doesn’t hesitate to ask for exactly what she wants, I am still the one who is ultimately enacting control. Appearances can be tricky though. Since our dynamics with each other are very consciously chosen, there really isn’t any power, since power would imply an inequality. There is just fun!
Q: You’ve hinted at an important topic–exhaustion. Who really exhausts whom between those sheets?
A, Gar: I’m not gonna lie, I need sleep at my old age. I’m all about having a good time as much as possible, but when my cougee wakes me at 3am to get it on, I just can’t take it. At her young age, she has not yet learned that napping during the day isn’t a possibility for all. I even make sure to get dressed before falling asleep, strategically putting on my ugliest granny panties so that she will allow me to slumber. It never works. I, however, do not think that any conclusions regarding the correlation between stamina and age can be made from my experience. If anything, I merely think it highlights our different social responsibilities and thus, different sleep patterns.
A, Gee: Exhausted?! Exhausted?! Please. There is no exhaustion in my bed (well, okay her’s, as I’ve yet to acquire my own apartment). Most days I feel like a teenaged boy who has just hit puberty and, since my cougar is rapidly approaching her sexual prime, we’re much like the energizer bunny… we just keep going. Sure, the cougar might require a small power nap here or there while I’m still revving to go, but she recovers quickly. To her credit, she’s also bravely tackled many days of work with only an hour or two of sleep, and that didn’t seem to impede her stamina the next night. I’m not sure I would be able to say the same about myself. Maybe the older you get, the more you realize ideal situations are few and far between and you have to take full advantage of what you have.
Q: Ellen and Portia have brought visibility to the cougar/cougee relationship without arousing much negative attention. What has been your experience bringing home that older lady or young play thing?
A, Gar: I have not received negative attention per se, although I have been subjected to many jokes that make me out to be quite the creeper. I had a friend say that I would soon be driving around a big white van, asking children if they would perhaps like some candy. Another friend of mine just said “no, no you didn’t; tell me you didn’t, please!” Further, I had two of my best friends, both of whom have less-than-ordinary sex lives, tell me to keep it in my pants; however once they found out that sex with my cougee was legal in my state of residence, they told me to “go for it” and “fuck her immediately.” Thus, it seems my reactions have been mixed…which happens to mirror my own feelings about being a cougar. While at first I was negative about it and doubtful that I could possibly get along with someone much younger than myself, I realized that Aaliyah (may she rest in peace) indeed had words of wisdom–age ain’t nothin but a number, baby.
A, Gee: The reactions I have received have been overwhelmingly positive. Most of my friends, after they got over the shock value of our student/staff dynamic, think it is great that I am with a sexy older lady. They are all sly smiles and pats on the back. The rest are of the “good you needed someone to tame your wild ways” variety. They seem to equate older with settling down. Oh, the assumptions that run rampant in this wild jungle! My cougar, however, was a bit hesitant about taking on the older lady role and the reactions she received were mixed. Her dad said, “You know, 5 years isn’t much, but in your 20’s, it’s like an eternity. After your 20’s, fine”. If not for my cougar’s friends assuring her that, even though I was a wee one, I still had the potential to be mature, thoughtful and have my shit together, she most likely would have sunk her teeth into someone else. I’m a lucky boi indeed!
Q: Sounds like you both have everything worked out. Any final thoughts on life in the queer kingdom?
A, Gar: I just think if you click [and it's legal], you click. To all you species out there, live up life in the queer kingdom!
A, Gee: Age has turned out to be quite irrelevant, although the scandal might have brought some titillating excitement to the mix early on. When it comes down to it, you either have what it takes to rumble in the jungle together, or you don’t.
